Secrets Revealed
by some1lostme
Summary: A memory from Sara’s past comes back to haunt her and Grissom is the only one there to help her through. [GSR] This is a WIP. It's better than it sounds, I promise. Please R&R. FINISHED.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any part of CSI, obviously, or there would have been more action in "Nesting Dolls". But, what's a girl to do but write GSR fan fiction… enjoy.

**Rating:** R, for some adult themes and some dangerous treading.

**Pairings:** G/S, romance and some pretty heavy angst

**Spoilers:** Anything before Snakes… I hadn't seen Nesting Dolls when I started writing this so the explanation of Sara's past is my own. In my story, her father is still alive.

**Summary:** A memory from Sara's past comes back to haunt her and Grissom is the only one there to help her through.

**Secrets Revealed**

**Part One **

The two men approaching him were unfamiliar to him and Grissom hesitated a moment before stepping up to the older of the two men, "Can I help you gentlemen?"

Both men came to a stop a few feet from Grissom. The elder reached his hand out, "Jason Greenworth. This is Lance-Corporal Gregory Hicks. We're looking for a Miss Sara Jane Sidle, do you know where we can find her?"

Grissom shook the man's hand, growing more confused as their dialogue continued, "Gil Grissom, Sara's supervisor, and I'll page her for you if you'd like, but she's preoccupied at the moment."

"Mr. Grissom, I'd appreciate any help you can provide us with, it is highly important that we speak to Ms. Sidle as soon as possible," Greenworth told him.

A silent rush of panic raced through Grissom's system as he led the two men to his office, offering them somewhere to wait for Sara. He sat behind his desk and paged Sara.

It didn't take long for her to appear in the doorway and the moment that she did, the color drained from her face.

"Sara."

"Mr. Greenworth, what, um, what's going on?" Sara asked, taking a step further into Grissom's office.

"Sara, I don't think we should be having this conversation-"

Sara glanced at Grissom, suddenly remembering that he was there, "No, it's all right, he would hear it eventually anyway. Please, I can't take this, just tell me what's going on."

"All right, all right," Greenworth reached over and took a file from LC Hicks and handed it to Sara, softly saying, "Sara, I'm here to tell you that Mark Sidle is dead."

The play of emotions on Sara's face made Grissom's heart ache for her. Shock, anger, pain, sorrow, hurt, relief. Grissom resisted the urge to jump out of his chair and cradle her in his arms. Instead, he sat back and watched her deal with the information that had just been presented to her.

"You're safe now, Sara. Mark can't hurt you anymore," Greenworth said now.

Seeing the sudden shock on Grissom's face, Sara cleared her throat and took the file from Greenworth, "Thank you, Mr. Greenworth, for everything. I really appreciate all your help. Thank you."

The two men said their good-byes to Sara and Grissom and then quickly exited his office, leaving Sara to stand on less than sturdy legs in front of her supervisor.

Seeing that Sara wasn't sure what to do, Grissom stood, moving around his desk, and led her to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. He moved away from her for a moment to close the door and then sat down beside her instead of across from her.

"Are you all right?"

The answer to his question was obvious in Sara's physical appearance. All colored had drained from her and the bright brown eyes Grissom had grown accustomed to were now glazed over. He could see the file she was holding shake as her body shook, the action scaring him to no end.

"Honey?"

"Griss, please, I can't talk about this here," Sara whispered, her voice broken and strained.

He didn't push her. He reached out and took the file from her, placing it in the briefcase beside his desk, before pulling Sara up out of her chair and into his arms. She tensed momentarily before burying her face into the crook of his neck, painful sobs suddenly breaking through her tough exterior and soaking his shirt in her tears.

Grissom didn't say anything. He just held her, comforted her not with his words, but with his warmth. That was all that Sara needed. She loved Gil Grissom, loved the man that he had become with her recently. She knew that he wasn't good with words when they required him to express emotions, but his whispered _I love you_s every evening when they woke were the only words that Sara needed. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she found comfort in the strength he was giving her.

The knock on his office door caused them both to take a large step apart, Sara rubbing absently at her red eyes and dipping her head to hide her tears. After making sure that Sara was ready, Grissom opened the door to find a smiling Greg on the other side.

"Hey Griss, got the results from-" he paused, catching sight of Sara in one of the chairs in front of Grissom's desk "-Should I come back later?"

Grissom shook his head, "It's all right, Greg. What do you need?"

"I got those results back from Trace about the fiber that Sofia and I found on our 419," Greg began, "But it was unidentifiable. I though, maybe, Sara could take a look at it for me."

"I don't think that's-"

"Its fine, Greg," Sara said, standing and moving past Grissom to take the printout Greg was holding. She examined the results for a moment before asking, "Do you have the fiber available Greg?"

"Scope's set up in the lab."

"Give me a minute and I'll be right there," she told him, turning back to Grissom when he left, "Do you mind if I head home after I help Greg out? I know I have a report to -"

"Sara," Grissom said softly, "Go home, rest, take a bath, anything you want. I'll be home not too long after you."

When Grissom walked into his townhouse after shift, he was more than a little surprised to find Sara, still in the clothes she'd worn to work, curled up on one corner of his brown leather love seat. She always complained about how much she hated that couch. She swore that, when he finally let her move in, that couch would be out on the street and they would get a new, more comfortable one. For now, however, she seemed to be dealing with the uncomfortable leather, looking slightly like a scared child with her knees pulled up to her chest and her head down. The sight made Grissom's breath catch in his throat as he stopped in the doorway.

Dropping his briefcase by the door and depositing his keys and wallet on the breakfast bar, Gil made his was to Sara.

"Honey..."

Sara's head shot up, red rimmed eyes meeting worried blue ones. New tears formed in Sara's eyes and she scrambled to unfold herself and climb off the couch.

Grissom took one look at her and his heart broke for her. In the twelve years he had known Sara Sidle, he'd only seen her cry twice. Once over a victim and once the night he had to pick her up from the station after she'd been picked up on the strip. The second time she had cried for herself, not out of pity, but out of pain. She cried to him that night, right here in his living room, curled up beside him on the same couch she occupied now. And the same emotions that filled him that night consumed him now.

She was a mess.

Sara knew that she looked horrible, she could tell by the look on Gil's face. She'd spent the last few hours on his couch crying, sobbing so hard that she had to fight to breath. And then she had thrown-up and she knew that he would be able to smell it on her but she just didn't care. It had taken all of her strength to make it to the bathroom and keep herself from being sick on his living room floor, she didn't have enough energy left to shower.

"I-I don't know what to do..." she muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear.

More tears and Grissom was right in front of her, pulling her against him and holding her face to his shoulder, letting her cry on him once again.

"Come on, honey," he whispered close to her ear, "Let's get you cleaned up."

Reaching the bathroom, Grissom helped Sara sit on the closed toilet and moved to turn on the shower, adjusting it to a decently hot stream before turning back to Sara. She didn't look up at him and he took a step closer to her, pulling his own shirt over his head before helping her remove hers. Sara made no move to stop him nor did she help as he divested them both of the rest of their clothing before getting her in the shower. Stepping in behind her, Gil watched Sara dip her head again and let the water run over her.

"Turn around, Sara."

She did as she was asked, turning to face Grissom who had picked up the shampoo bottle and was now squeezing a small amount into the palm of his hand. Sara closed her eyes as his hands came up on either side of her head and began to lather her hair, filling the large, glass enclosed shower with the scent of lavender and roses. It was the shampoo Gil had picked out for her, the one he never used but had in his shower just to remind him that she had been there.

Placing soapy hands on her shoulders, Grissom led Sara back under the spray and tilted her head back, rinsing her hair with his fingers.

"Sara, tell me about Mark."

Sara's body tensed immediately at the name and Grissom could feel her hesitate before she answered, "He was my brother."

Her voice was weak and raspy and Grissom knew that she had shed many tears over Mark Sidle. But what had Greenworth meant when he assured Sara that Mark couldn't hurt her anymore?

"What happened to him, Sara? What happened to you?"

She hesitated again before pulling away from him and stepping completely under the spray, rinsing the rest of the shampoo from her hair as well as hiding the tears that had started again. Sara took a deep breath, moving back toward Grissom as he picked up the bar of soap and began lathering it between his hands.

"Mark is my half brother," Sara began softly, "When my mom was in college, she met a man named Joshua, one of the assistant professors at UC Berkley. After mom graduated, she and Joshua got married and a year or so later, Mark was born."

Grissom's hands were now spreading ivory bubbles over Sara's shoulders and she took another deep breath, needed to calm her shaky nerves in order to tell him the whole story.

"I suppose, in the eyes of most people, Joshua, mom and Mark had a pretty good life... that is until Mark was about ten and things with my mom and Joshua's marriage started to go south. She... my mom... she was having an affair. By the time Joshua found out, she was two months pregnant. Joshua left my mom and Mark, swearing to my mom that she would never see him again... neither of them would," Sara's voice wavered slightly and a new wave of tears threatened to fall from her already burning eyes. Grissom's gentle kiss to her throat was a reassurance and she continued to tell him the story.

"I guess it didn't take my mom long to recover from Joshua's departure because she married the man she was having an affair with less than five months later... my father, Alan. I don't really know much about the period between the time my mom and dad got married up until the point where I was born, but my childhood was relatively normal for a while. My mother quit her job to stay with me, working part time at the bed and breakfast my great aunt owned. That way, during the day, while my dad worked, I stayed with my mom and my aunt at the B and B, and then, when my dad wasn't working, he would pick me up and take me home. I would stay with him and Mark until my mother came home from the B and B."

Conditioner was now being massaged into her hair and Sara's eyes closed.

"What changed, honey?" Grissom whispered, keeping up the ministrations on her scalp.

Sara shrugged, "I started school. I started kindergarten just like every other child. I went to school for half the day, only in the morning, and then the bus would drop me off with my mother and aunt until my dad picked me up. The first three years I was in school it continued on that way. It wasn't until I started was getting ready to start fourth grade that things started happening... um, I got moved ahead at school. My teachers approached my parents, telling them how smart I was and how advanced I was for a child my age. They put me two grades ahead, into sixth grade, and I started taking the bus home after school, instead of staying with my mom and aunt. That's when it started happening... when Mark-"

Sara choked down the lump that had recently formed in her throat and a painful sob took over her body for a moment. Grissom's arms wrapped around her and he pulled her body into his, keeping her as close as possible.

"Its okay, Sara, you don't have to finish now," he told her, big hands running up and down the length of her spine.

She shook her head against his shoulder, taking a small step back but staying in the circle of his arms, "No, because if I stop now, I won't be able to finish."

Grissom nodded, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and let her go.

"The first two weeks I was home alone with Mark after school, I started to find out who he really was. Mark blamed me for his father leaving. He told me that I was worthless... that I ruined his life. He started hitting me, throwing me around a lot. At first he didn't do anything that would leave a bruise, he didn't want my mom and dad to figure out what he was doing to me. But then he stopped caring. The first time he really hit me, the first time he let me know just how angry he was, he threw me down the stairs. I ended up in the emergency room with a black eye and three broken ribs."

Sara felt Grissom's hands trembling as they spread more soap down her back.

"Mark told my mom that I got hit by a car chasing after my dog... they actually believed him. I lived through eight months of hell with him and each time it just got worse. My parents were clueless... they both worked all the time and Mark just played it off as my clumsiness. When he left for tech school, I was relieved, I thought it was finally over. Things started looking up from there and my parents let me take dance classes and karate classes. It wasn't until two and a half years later that I saw Mark again for the first time. He was bigger and stronger and I knew that he would hurt me again," Sara shuddered slightly, the memory becoming suddenly clear to her, "My parents left us alone one night so they could go out. I cried and begged them not to go. It didn't work of course and Mark told me to stop being a baby and then told my parents he would take care of me and that they should have fun. His definition of "take care of" and mine were two very different things. The minute my dad's car left the drive way, Mark chased me upstairs to my bedroom. I beat him there but I couldn't keep him out. I would've done anything at that point just to get out of my house. The only thing I could do was go out the window, and I tried. I climbed over my bed, crawling toward the window, but Mark grabbed my be the ankle and flipped me over, breaking my foot in the process."

Neither one of them was moving now. Grissom simply stood in front of her, watching as she relived the torture her brother inflicted on her. Sara could feel herself shaking under the now cold spray of the water and she stepped closer to the man in front of her, needing him to hold onto her and protect her as she finished her story. With Sara suddenly pressed up against him, Grissom wrapped his arms around her waist and held her.

"Mark pinned me to the bed and I screamed. I screamed so loud, Grissom, and no one ever heard me," Sara muttered, suddenly weak with emotion, "Mark put his hand over my mouth and I did the only thing I could... I bit him, hard. Hard enough to draw blood. He jerked his hand away, somehow managing to punch me in the jaw at the same time... he knocked one of my teeth out," Sara paused, gathering her thoughts while Grissom reached around her to shut off the water. Sara's body shook as Grissom's heat suddenly left her to reach for two large towels, wrapping one around her shoulders and the other around his waist.

Helping her step out of the shower, Grissom led Sara by the hand down the hall and to his bedroom. Sara sat on the edge of the large bed that she had spent many nights in recently, feeling sudden heat as Grissom adjusted the thermostat.

"Sara..."

She looked at him, smiling a teary smile and pulling the towel tighter around her. Grissom moved to the bed now, pulling the bedspread down to the end of the bed and wrapping them both up in it.

"I guess you need to hear the rest don't you...


	2. Chapter II

**Part Two**

After making sure that Sara was warm and settled on the couch, Grissom wandered into the kitchen for a moment, returning to the living room with a glass of scotch for himself and a bottle of water for Sara. He sat down beside her, adjusting the comforter from his bed she had insisted on bringing to the couch, and pulled her into his lap.

"Are you ready, Sara?"

For a few moments, Sara simply stared at the water bottle in her hands, picking aimlessly at the label. After a second she stopped and put the bottle down on the coffee table. She turned a little more in Gil's lap.

"The rest of this isn't going to be any easier for you to hear than it will be for me to tell, Griss," she said softly, cupping his face in her hands, "What happened to me... I- it made me-"

"Sara, I'm not leaving you, not now, not ever," Grissom said quickly, "Please, tell me."

After another ragged breath, Sara began the rest of her story.

"When Mark pulled his hand back to look at the wound I had inflicted, I kicked him as hard as I could in the chest. Granted, it wasn't very hard, I was tiny compared to him. But he stumbled, knocked off balance, and he fell backwards into my dresser. I remember watching the glass from the vanity mirror shatter and fall around him. I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing I could do... I ran."

Grissom drank down the entire glass of scotch quickly, feeling the harsh burn as it coated his throat on it's way to his stomach. Sara took the now empty glass and sat it on the table beside her water bottle. Leaning back into him, she sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

"I didn't know where to go, and I didn't think I could go home," Sara continued, "So I just kept running. I hitchhiked to San Francisco and I would've made it to Los Angeles if I hadn't been turned in. The last couple to pick me up, they were probably in the mid-forties, knew that there was something wrong with me. I was covered in bruises and the most I said to anyone was 'Can you take me to Los Angeles?'... They didn't just drop me off like everyone else, they took me to the police department, turned me in as a runaway."

Grissom felt Sara shudder harshly and he tightened his grip of her, pulling her closer to him and wrapping the blanket tighter around them both. Sara didn't speak for a few more minutes and Grissom felt her new tears as they seeped into the material of his T-shirt where her head rested on his shoulder.

Sniffling a little and rubbing her eyes on Gil's shoulder, Sara began again, "The first social worker I was introduced to spent four days trying to get me to tell her my name. I didn't want to tell her anything. I was terrified that they would send me home and my parents wouldn't want me. I had attacked my brother and I knew that they would believe him over me, my mom would never let anything happen to Mark."

"Did you go to foster care?" Grissom asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sara nodded against his shoulder, "For two months. The system isn't the same anymore. I was shipped around between three foster homes within those two months. The social worker finally figured out that I didn't want to be in a house with any boys and when I finally got to the third house, I was living with a nice family who already had four other adopted daughters. I only stayed with them for a week before Mr. Greenworth found me."

"Wait, the man from the lab?" Grissom asked, suddenly looking up at her.

"Yes, one and the same," Sara said, her voice sort of wistful, "He saved my life Grissom."

Grissom tightened his hold on her once more and urged her to continue.

"Jason Greenworth was introduced to me by my social worker as a private detective who had been hired by my mother and father to come and find me. Turns out my mother was hysterical worrying about me. She told Greenworth that she would do anything to get me back."

"Your mother must love you very much, honey," Grissom said quietly, nuzzling Sara's neck as she began to cry again.

"Things change, Gil," she said, hiccupping slightly as she cried harder.

Grissom suddenly stood up, taking Sara and the blanket with him. He started down the hallway, cradling Sara in his arms as she cried.

"Tell me the rest later, sweetheart, you need to rest."

Grissom sat beside his bed, a forensic journal open in his lap, watching Sara sleep. He knew that she never slept straight through the night. Her nightmares caused her sleep to be fitful and she would often wake up in the middle of the afternoon, not long after they had gone to bed, crying out for him more often then not.

Today he watched her sleep soundly for only the second time since they had started sharing a bed. Five months, Grissom thought. He and Sara had been seeing each other personally for five months, after he had been hit with the idea that he may one day lose her. He was happy with the way things were.

For a few minutes Grissom didn't take his eyes off of the long-legged brunette lying face down in his bed. Her hair was fanned out across her pillow and he could hear her breathing softly. I may never have heard that sound, Grissom thought, I could've lost my hearing... I could've lost her.

Sara stirred slightly and Grissom didn't take his gaze off of her face. He watched as she rolled away from him, causing the covers to slid down to her waist, and he was blessed with a glimpse of the tattoo on her lower back. A small star, outlined in black and filled in with a rainbow of colors. God, did he love that tattoo. He refocused back on her whole form when she suddenly shifted positions again. She was having another nightmare.

Grissom moved the journal to the nightstand and stood, moving to the side of the bed.

"Sara, sweetheart, wake up," he said softly, "I'm here. Wake up."

His name spilled from her lips as nothing more than a sigh and he reached out to her, touching her shoulder softly. Sara stiffened under his touch and she moved away from him, still deeply in sleep. Grissom stood then, leaving the room for a few minutes, and returning with a bottle of water. He sat down beside Sara, raising his voice slightly as she spoke to her this time.

"Sara, wake up."

She struggled now against his touch and she called out more audibly now, "Gil, help me... please."

They had been through this routine many times but listening to her cry out for him broke his heart every time. He knew that Sara's life had been traumatic, he had learned that the hard way, but each time she was racked with these nightmares, horrible reminders of the things that she had been through, he knew that she would be in emotional turmoil for days.

"Sara, honey, I'm here, it's just a nightmare. Wake up," Grissom command, now shaking her a little more forcefully.

Sara's tantrum stopped suddenly and her eyes fluttered open.

"Gil?" she muttered.

Grissom ran his fingers through her hair, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. She smiled softly through the remnants of sleep and rolled over beneath him. He leaned down to kiss her lips, sitting up slightly and brushing hair from her face.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

Sara frowned a little and closed her eyes, "I need to get it out, Gil. You need to know the rest so that I- we- can get past this."

Grissom slid an arm under Sara's back and the other under her knees and lifted her easily off the bed, sliding back in beside her after he had set her down. Sliding into his arms, Sara rested her head on Grissom's chest and closed her eyes, beginning once again to retell the story of the trauma that changed her life to the man that she now shared it with.

"Jason Greenworth was the first person to believe I hadn't done anything wrong," Sara said, "He was given my medical records from when my social worker took me to the hospital and it was obvious that I had been abused... you and I both know that fractures that have healed incorrectly show up later in x-rays... I spent another three weeks in foster care while I went through psychiatric evaluations."

Sara turned more to bury her face in Grissom's shoulder, muffling her words as an on-slaught of memories haunted her.

"When I was finally cleared to go home, I said goodbye to the family I'd been living with and Greenworth came to personally make sure that I made it home to my parents. He told me, in the car on the drive back to Tomales Bay, that Mark had been arrested. He was in custody for assault and attempted rape. I think that Greenworth waited until he had me in the car before he told me... he was probably worried that I would try to run away again."

Tears were soaking into Gil's shirt now and he squeezed Sara gently to reassure her. She sniffled slightly, sighing as she leaned back into the pillows.

"I wish this wasn't so hard," she muttered, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"You don't have to tell me right now, honey," Grissom told her

"I know, I know," Sara replied, sitting up against the headboard now, "But I need to get it out before I lose my nerve."

"Then tell me, Sara. I won't leave you, I'll be right here."

Silence fell over them and Grissom could tell that Sara was composing her thoughts. This wasn't easy for her, it had to be the most painful thing that she had experienced in life and he did not want to watch her go through something more or as painful ever again. And he did not want to ever be the source of her pain. He had had enough of that.

"Sara-"

"After Greenworth told me about Mark, I cried. I begged him not to make me go home, I told him that my mother wouldn't want me, I just wanted someone to want me...," Sara's voice broke and she grew quiet for a moment, taking deep breaths to calm herself. "My parents met us at the Bed and Breakfast. My mother had insisted on selling our house... she didn't want to be anywhere near the scene of the crime. When Greenworth dropped me off, my dad was ecstatic. He held me so tight and kept crying, telling me that he loved me and that he would never let anything happen to me ever again. But my mom... my mom wouldn't touch me. I was spoiled goods, she didn't want me anymore. I had taken away Mark. I had ruined our family."

The look on Grissom's face broke Sara's heart all over again. He was hurting for her, she could see it in his eyes. Sara had been skeptical about the way that he would take her past, whether he could still love her or not. The evidence was clear on his face. He loved her.

"My mother never said that out loud, but it wasn't like she hid it. She could never seem to look me in the eye after that," Sara said, "And then came the trial."


	3. Chapter III

**Part Three**

The ringing of Grissom's cell phone caught them both off guard and Grissom glanced in the general direction of the living room. He hesitated and looked down at Sara.

"It's all right," she told him, "It's probably important. Go answer it."

He hesitated again before heading off to find the offending phone.

Sara wrapped herself up in the bed sheet and followed Grissom out of the bedroom, heading off toward the refrigerator as he answered the phone.

"Grissom."

Settling herself on the couch, Sara watched Gil as he paced across the living room. She took in his relaxed appearance, his blue boxers and white T-shirt that read "Entomologist: lover of the bugs", a customized gift he had received from Greg for his last birthday. His hair was slightly tousled from sleep and he reminded Sara of a little boy. She smiled to herself, snuggling deeper into her sheet on the couch.

"Yes, Jim, I know the address," Grissom said tersely, "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Silence on his end for a moment as Brass spoke.

"No, no, that's fine. I'll call Sara and Greg in on it," Grissom said again, shooting an apologetic glance in Sara's direction. She smiled at him in return as he spoke to Brass again, "No, I don't want Sofia called in on this. No, Jim, I don't particularly like her. No need to call her in when I can call Sara and Greg. We don't all need to be there."

Grissom disconnected his call with Jim and stared at Sara for a moment. She stared back, giving him a weak smile. Holding out a hand to her, Grissom helped Sara off of the couch and led her back to the bedroom.

"What's going on?" Sara asked, sitting on the bed while Gil searched for clean clothes for her.

"Homicide found a 419 at a residence in Hendersen," Grissom explained, handing Sara a pair of slacks and her underwear, "It really is a good thing that you keep clothes here, honey."

Sara nodded as she got dressed, watching Grissom do the same.

"Do you want me to call Greg?" Sara asked, finishing the last three buttons on her blouse.

"No, I'll tell Jim that I changed my mind, it doesn't take three of us to process a body," Grissom said, coming back into the room from the bathroom, "We can handle it. Unless, you don't want to go."

Sara shook her head, "I'll be fine. I need a break from this anyway."

Grissom nodded. Neither of them spoke and they stared at each other. Sara broke first, dropping her eyes to her hands that lay in her lap.

"Thank you for being here, I mean, I really needed-"

"Shh, honey," Grissom sat on the bed beside Sara, pulling her into his arms, "I'm always here for you, Sara, I hope you know that."

She nodded against him and sniffled, fighting back another round of tears. They sat like that for a few minutes before Gil pulled away, brushing stray hair from Sara's eyes.

"We should go, Jim's waiting."

As they pulled up to the scene, Grissom glanced at Sara's sleeping form out of the corner of his eye. They hadn't been on the road for ten minutes when he realized that she had fallen asleep. He didn't wake her. He knew better, she needed to rest. In some way, Grissom had always known that Sara hadn't had an easy past, but he had never imagined the pain she had gone through at such a young age.

"Sara, honey, we're here."

Sara stirred slightly and sat up straighter in her seat. She glanced out the windshield and recognized Brass' car. Glancing over at Grissom, she smiled and rubbed her eyes a little.

"How long was I out?"

Grissom smiled back as he undid his seatbelt, "Forty minutes... the entire drive here."

"I'm sorry," Sara muttered, "I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"It's all right, Sara."

They both exited the vehicle as they noticed Brass moving toward them. Sara grabbed their field kits from the backseat, listening as Grissom and Brass spoke at the front of the car.

"Mitch Hastings, forty-five. Single GSW to the head. Wife found him in the backyard when she came home. Says she's been in Seattle on business for the last three days. No signs of forced entry and we didn't find the weapon."

Sara moved to stand beside Grissom and Brass gave her the once over.

"Where's the kid?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at Grissom.

"Changed my mind," Grissom said, shrugging, "It doesn't take three CSIs to process a 419, Jim."

"Right," Brass said before turning and leading the two CSIs toward the house. Grissom's hand found it's way to the small of Sara's back as they made their way into the Hastings' home.

The lab seemed to be over run with cases and Grissom and Sara didn't have time to talk. Sara spent most of the day in trace, helping to process the fibers she and Grissom had found on their 419 while Grissom worked with Bobby in ballistics.

"Sara, have you seen Grissom?" Sofia asked, sticking her head into the lab.

Sara glanced up from her microscope, shaking her head slowly, "Last time I checked, he was in ballistics working on our case with Bobby. I didn't think he was calling anyone else in on this case."

"He didn't. Another case came in on top of yours and Jim called me," Sofia explained.

Sara nodded, "Oh, right, well, check ballistics for Grissom."

"Right," Sofia muttered, turning and heading out the door toward the ballistics lab.

Sara stared after the blond for a few minutes before lowering her eyes back to the microscope. She had grown to like Sofia to a certain degree. No, not like, Sara thought, tolerate. Deep down she wondered if the other woman was just some sort of spy for Ecklie, strategically placed on the nightshift to find some flaw in Grissom's leadership skills. Not that Sara didn't feel that Grissom had his flaws, she knew he didn't follow the book, but honestly, who followed every rule? Grissom wasn't the best supervisor, she could easily admit that. But it wasn't because he didn't know how to do his job, it was simply because he wasn't the best with people.

"Sara?"

Mia's voice caught her off guard and Sara was visibly startled. She looked up at the lab tech as she held out a print out to Sara.

"I have the results of the DNA test Grissom put in but I can't find him," Mia told her.

Sara scanned the print out before thanking Mia and heading out of the lab to find Grissom.

After coming up empty in ballistics, Sara moved from there and headed in the direction of Grissom's office. Leaning in the doorway of his office, she watched as he reviewed a file that lay open on his desk. Sara smiled, folding her arms over her chest.

"Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come in?" Grissom asked, looking up in time to see Sara's smile widen.

"I have the results of the DNA test," Sara said, "And I identified the fiber we found on the victims T-shirt."

"And?"

"And the DNA under the victim's nails is a positive match to the wife who claims she was out of town," Sara explained, "And the fiber I found is synthetic silk, probably from a piece of lingerie."

Hearing the word lingerie come from Sara's mouth brought a grin from Grissom and she couldn't contain her own. Shaking her head, Sara moved forward and sat down across from his desk.

"How are you holding up?" Grissom asked, his voice softer and quieter than just a few minutes earlier.

Sara shrugged, "I'm all right, I guess, I sort of just want to go home."

Grissom nodded, "I know what you mean. It shouldn't be much longer."

Sara nodded, glancing down at her hands for a second before flashing Grissom her million dollar smile. He smiled back, unable to stop himself after seeing her happy. They stayed that way for a long time, neither of them wanting to break the trance they had fallen into. Yet again though, their trance was broken by the intrusion of another member of the nigh shift. Only this time it wasn't Greg, it was Sofia.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked, stepping into the small space before she received an answer from either of it's occupants, "I have a leave of absence form I need you to sign, Grissom."

Sara glanced at the other woman, not paying her much attention as she handed Gil the form. He looked it over quickly before looking up at Sofia.

"Two weeks?" he asked, "Vacation?"

Sofia smiled and shook her head, "No, family matter. I need to fly back home for a few days if that's all right."

"It's fine," Grissom replied, jotting his signature down on the form and sliding it back to her, "I hope everything is all right."

Sofia smiled at him and Sara felt slightly revolted. She clenched the arm rests of her chair in order to keep herself from slapping the smile off of Sofia's face. The woman was openly flirting with their supervisor right in front of Sara and it made her sick. It didn't seem fair that Ecklie had always tried to use Sara's relationship with Grissom against them, even though he had no clue how close they had recently become. And here Sofia stood, Ecklie's minion, smiling and batting her eyes at Grissom. It was ridiculous.

"Was that all?" Sara snapped, "We were discussing a case, Sofia."

The other woman turned to Sara and gave her a weak smile, "Oh, right, I'm sorry. Thank you for your concern Grissom."

Sofia sent a silent bitch at Sara and left Grissom's office.

Sara shook her head and turned her attention back to Grissom. He was smiling but he didn't seem happy.

"That was uncalled for, Sara," he said quietly.

She shrugged., "She was flirting with you."

"Sara-"

"She was and I'm sorry that it bothers me but I can't help it," she said quickly before he could lecture her, "You're mine and I know that and so do you but she doesn't and sometimes I just want to scream at her. I can't handle watching someone else go after something that I worked so hard to obtain."

Grissom didn't say anything and Sara wondered if she was out of line. She glanced up to see him studying her as if she was some specimen under his microscope. It made her feel uncomfortable and she looked back down at her hands.

"I shouldn't have said that," she muttered, "I'm sorry."

She heard Grissom made some odd sound of approval before he spoke, "You were being honest and that's fine, but we shouldn't be having this discussion here."

Sara continued staring at her hands, suddenly becoming fascinated with the red nail polish chipping off of her clean cut nails. Grissom cleared his throat, drawing her attention to his face, and he smiled at her, "Why don't you take off early? I can handle what's left on this case and you need to rest. I'll check in with you later."

Sara frowned, "But-"

"No buts, go home and sleep, Sara. You need it and I can't use you on this case if you can't concentrate," he told her, his voice stern and his eyes pleading.

Sara didn't acknowledge him and for a minute, he didn't know what she would do; fight him on it or give in.

Sara shrugged, "I didn't drive."

Grissom looked at her, not sure what she was talking about, and then it registered in his mind. He smiled, handing her the keys to his truck.

"I'll have Jim drive me home."

Sara stared at the keys in her hand and then up at Gil.

"Call me when you get in?"

"Of course."

Sara pulled up in front of her apartment building but she didn't park the truck. She was debating with herself on whether or not she should go in. Grissom had been right, she should get some rest, but she knew that there was no point trying to sleep without Gil in her bed. Her nightmares would take her over and she didn't want to wake up in a cold sweat alone. Instead, Sara put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot.

She drove across town and parked the truck in the parking lot of the park closest to Gil's townhouse. She looked around before deciding on what she wanted to do. Getting out of the truck, Sara took the shortcut through the park to get to Grissom's house and she entered it quietly, going to the bedroom and digging up a pair of his sweatpants and one of the tank tops she usually slept in. She pulled on a pair of running shoes she kept in the bottom of his closest and locked the door on her way out. She started jogging and headed back to the park.


	4. Chapter IV

A/N: Sorry this one is sort of short. I'll post Part 5 ASAP.

Part Four

Grissom came home from the lab for the second time in 24 hours to find Sara sound asleep. However, this time she was curled up in the middle of his large, king sized bed. He smiled at her still form, dropping his jacket on the chair in the corner. Moving into the bathroom, he noticed an old pair of his sweatpants in the hamper with one of Sara's tank tops. She must've gone running, he thought. He shed his own clothes and tossed them into the hamper before climbing into the shower.

Sara awoke to the sound of water running somewhere near by. She rolled over, tossing her pillow aside and stared at the door to the master bathroom. It was partially open and she knew that Gil was home. Crawling from the bed, Sara made her way to the bathroom, peeling off her T-shirt, and stepping into the shower with Grissom.

"Hey, did you sleep well?" he asked, his arms immediately going around her and pulling her into his embrace.

Grissom was dropping light kisses into her hair and Sara planted sleepy ones across his chest. She shrugged in response to his question and clung more tightly to him. They stood locked together for a long time and Sara had no desire to move. Having someone to hold onto made Sara feel all that more comfortable with herself and even with her past and although Grissom still didn't know the outcome of her brothers trial or the turmoil that she had been through recently, he wasn't turning her away because of her past. He was still here, clinging to her, keeping her steady, and waiting for her to tell him the rest of her story.

"Can we just get cleaned up and get out of here?" Sara asked suddenly, looking into Grissom's worried blue eyes, "I think I'm ready to tell you the rest of the story."

Grissom just watched her a moment, trying to register the truth in her eyes. It was there. She was hurt and scared, but she was ready and determined. She wanted to tell him and she wanted to get the truth out. Moving his hands up and down her back in a move that was meant to warm her and reassure her, Grissom felt more than physically connected to the woman in his arms.

"Sara, I-" Grissom paused, not sure that the words in his mind were words that he was ready to speak. But it was now or never. What he wanted to tell her was the God's honest truth and nothing that she could tell him would change that, Sara had a right to know. "Honey, I love you."

Sara's eyes filled with tears as soon as the words left his mouth and he wasn't sure if she was disappointed or overwhelmed. He pressed his forehead to hers and didn't say another word. He wouldn't push her, if she wanted to return his sentiment, she would. He loved her and she knew that, that was all he needed.

"Gil, I- I love you, too."

The words were so soft that he had to strain to hear them. He kissed her temple hard as tears formed behind his eyes. He tightened his grip on her, a futile attempt to fuse their bodies together, before he took a small step back and shut off the water. Grabbing two large bath towels once again from the closet, Grissom wrapped one around Sara then proceeded to wrap the other around himself.

Together, they moved into the bedroom where Sara on the bed's edge once again and watched as Grissom dug out something warm for her to wear. They quickly dressed in sweats and T-shirts before Grissom lead Sara from the room again.

As Grissom stood at the stove, stirring the soup he had started, Sara sat at the breakfast bar. She picked up the piece of bread lying on the counter in front of her, tearing it into smaller pieces in order to keep her nerves at bay.

"My brother didn't go to trial for four months after Greenworth brought me home," Sara said quietly, getting Griss' attention, "And living at the bed and breakfast with my mom was a nightmare. My life basically consisted of going to school and locking myself in my room to study. I mean, I was only in sixth grade so I didn't have to study too much, but it was an excuse to avoid my mom. Not that she tried to talk to me or anything, she couldn't even look at me without crying, it was horrible. . . my dad was a different story. He treated me like glass, like if anyone breathed on me too hard I would break. It was unnerving at times. We lived on the beach. My back yard was the ocean but my dad wouldn't even let me go outside alone. He drove me to school every morning and picked me up every day. I wasn't allowed to ride the bus and I wasn't allowed to have any friends over or go to anyone's house. He was terrified that someone would cause me to runaway again."

Grissom nodded, not looking at Sara as he spoke, "He saw you hurt once and it broke him. He didn't want to be forced to see you hurt again. Men have a way of doing that, Sara; it's the same situation as a mother becoming overwhelmed with adrenaline to protect her child in a dangerous situation. Men don't like to show emotion, honey, but when the people we love are hurt or in trouble, we become protective of them, it's in our nature."

"Yeah, I noticed," Sara said softly.

Grissom turned and smiled at Sara. She returned the smile before looking back down at the food in her hands.

"Anyway, when the trial finally rolled around, Greenworth contacted my father because the prosecution wanted me to testify. That drove my mother crazy. My father, not being Mark's father, wanted me to testify against him," Sara explained, "And I wanted to. I was scared, terrified really, but I knew that if I didn't testify, no one would stick up for me. So I went to court with my mother and father, and my mom cried the whole way there. I remember staring out the window while my father talked to me but I didn't really hear him. I watched the beach pass me by, the city I had grown up in, and all I wanted to do was get on a raft and float away. I kept wishing that I had never been born."

Grissom placed a bowl of potato soup in front of Sara before moving around the bar to sit down beside her with his own bowl. They both began to eat slowly and silently; Sara because she was trying not to cry and Gil because he didn't want to push her.

"We pulled up in front of the court house and my father let me out of the car with my mother. She took me by the arm and dragged me into the building as my father went to park the car. When we were standing in the middle of the lobby, she started screaming at me, telling me that I'd better keep my damn mouth shut or I would never see Mark again. I told her that I didn't care, I told her that I hoped he died and . . . and she hit me. For the first time in my life, I had made my mother so angry that she actually hit me," Sara took another large bite of her soup to hide the sob rising in her throat.

She hadn't noticed that Grissom had stopped eating. He had set his spoon down and was now watching Sara intently, feeling the pain and sadness radiating off of her. Tears spilled from her eyes and she pretended not to notice as she kept eating. Feeling his hand suddenly on her face, Sara dropped her spoon and closed her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Sara."

"I am too, in a way. I'm sorry that I let the things my mother did and said get to me. I should have just let it all go, I knew that she didn't love me the way she loved Mark and I should have just stayed away from her after what happened. My mother had always been very protective of Mark. She wouldn't let my father punish him in any way because she felt that it was her fault that Joshua had left them. It was, of course, because she had cheated on him, but my father didn't like the way my mother handle the situation. He felt that they were being divided by me and Mark. My mother of course, doing whatever he could to protect me, and my mother doing whatever she could to protect Mark. After she hit me, things only got worse," Sara's voice trailed off slightly at the end and she opened her eyes to look at Grissom.

He was crying. Fresh tears were in his eyes and wet tracks were making their way down his face and into his beard. Sara reached up a hand and brushed away a stray tear as he had done for her. They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment before they each looked away at the same time.

"What happened during the trial, honey?" Grissom asked quietly.

Sara shrugged, "It was pretty basic. I went in and sat there as both sides gave their opening statements before Mr. Greenworth called me up to the stand. When I finally got up there, I couldn't stop shaking. I was so nervous," Sara explained, "Everyone was watching me. My parents, Mr. Greenworth, Mark. They were all watching me and this woman, my brother's attorney, kept asking me all these questions, personal questions that I felt like I couldn't answer in front of everyone. . . I didn't want my father to know what had happened to me. I didn't want anyone to know that Mark had- that he had-"

A sob broke from Sara's throat and she buried her head in her hands. She cried heavily, her shoulders shaking with each sob that racked her body. Gil's arms where around her, pulling her against him, and rubbing his hands protectively up and down her back. He whispered words of comfort in her hair, telling her that everything would be all right.

Taking a deep breath, Sara pulled away from Grissom. She looked up into his eyes, looking for some sort of reassurance that he wouldn't leave her after she told him the rest of the story. She found it there, in the deep blue of his eyes, Sara found what she needed to go on.

"Mark touched me, Grissom. He would grab me and touch me and tell me that I deserved it. He scared me so bad that I was afraid to tell my father what had happened. He made me believe that I was the one doing something wrong by not letting him touch me. He had me convinced that my father wouldn't want me if he knew what I had done," Sara's voice was quiet and shaky and Grissom's breath had become ragged with tears. "And I had to tell the judge everything. I was so scared that my father would be just as disgusted with me as my mother was, I thought that he wouldn't love me anymore either."

Sara and Grissom were silent for a long time. They leaned into each other, Sara laying her head on his shoulder and him stroking her hair.


	5. Chapter V

**Part 5**

Grissom had always known that Sara was hiding something. He had seen the way that she reacted to rape and sexual assault cases, the way she reacted to domestic violence cases, but he had never wanted to believe that she had been a victim herself. Sara's life hadn't been easy, that much was obvious in the secrets she revealed, but no one was really lucky enough to have an "easy" life. His life hadn't been easy either. His father had abandoned him and his mother when he was young, not long after his mother had lost her hearing. And that certainly hadn't made his childhood easier. He had been forced to deal with the looks from his neighbors after his father had gone and then he had been forced to deal with the looks from strangers when he and his mother went out and he had to sign for her. His life had been anything but easy. But now, when compared to the hell that Sara had lived through, his life was a walk in the park.

"There's more, Gil, so much more," Sara muttered sleepily, she pulled away from Grissom and moved to sit on the couch.

It took him a moment to follow her, still slightly entranced by all that she had told him in the last thirty-six hours. When he noticed that Sara had curled herself up on one end of the couch, he decided it would be best to sit in the chair nearest her end of the couch.

"When I told you that Mark had gone to tech school after he graduated, it wasn't exactly the truth," she began, "Mark did the last thing that anyone had expected him to do. . . he joined the Marines. My brother, who had nearly killed me more than once during my life, was trained to use a weapon. I didn't find any of this out until I went to the trial. While I sat there and looked around the room, I started noticing things that I hadn't noticed. Everyone in the room, the laywers and prosectures, the judge, they were all wearing uniforms. I had never met anyone in the military at that point, but I wasn't stupid. I read and did research and I was a smart kid, it didn't take long for me to realize what was happening. Mark was wearing a uniform, too."

Sara shuddered visibly and Grissom ached to reach out to her. He didn't. He held back and clasped his hands in his lap, feeling himself starting to sweat and shake.

"I was terrified then, the minute I realized what was going on," Sara explained, resting her head on the armrest of the couch, "I had mixed feelings about the government after the things my parents told me. My mom was sort of a hippie."

Sara laughed at herself, "I was raised to think that the law enforcement officials where the enemy, that the government would never do anything for us. Christ, and then there was Vietnam, which just made my mother crazy. Her brother, my Uncle Chris, was killed in 'Nam. My mom hated the government and everything that it stood for. So when she found out that Mark had turned on her, she flipped out some more."

Sara still had her head down on the armrest when the phone on the end table rang. She didn't move to answer it and they both sat still, waiting for the answering machine to pick up.

"You've reached 979-403-4410. No one is available at this time. Please leave a message."

"Sara, honey, it's Dad. I know that you asked me not to call this number unless it's an emergency but I think this qualifies. I don't know if you've heard the news but-"

Sara grabbed the phone before he could finish, "Dad, I'm here."

"Hi, sweetheart. How are you?" he asked, hearing the strain in Sara's voice.

Sara shrugged, shutting off the answering machine, and settling back against the couch, "Not too bad, and I know about Mark. Greenworth came to see me at the office the other day."

They carried on there conversation and Grissom left Sara alone. He moved into the kitchen, finding small tasks to take his mind off of the conversation going on in the other room. He did the dishes in the sink, drying them and putting them away. After checking to see if she was still on the phone, he moved into his bedroom to straighten up, knowing that she wouldn't be in the mood to do it for a while. He hung up her discarded work clothes and threw her dirty clothes in the hamper. He remade the bed where she'd been sleeping on top of the sheets, and sat down. His room smelled like her. Soft and sweet, a scent he had burned into his memory from the first time he'd been near enough to take it in. Her clothes every where, magazines she'd brought him, so many things in his space that were both his and hers. The idea no longer scared him.

Some time during the last few months of their relationship, he had gotten used to waking up with her by his side. He'd gotten used to finding her hair on his clothes and pillows. He'd even gotten used to the things that she left in his bathroom; her make-up, her hair dryer, even the box of tampons under the sink. None of it made him uncomfortable.

Grissom laid back on the bed, closing his eyes and sighing heavily. Things had changed. After Sara's near DUI, everything had changed. They were happy. He couldn't remember the last time he had been as happy as he was now that he and Sara were together. He loved her. And he wasn't willing to let her go.

"Sara, are you sure you're all right?" her father asked.

Sara sighed, "Dad, I as well as I'm going to be."

"How is your boss taking the news?" he asked.

Sara smiled. Her father had a way of avoiding the topic of Sara's love life. In their recent conversations, he would only refer to Grissom as her boss. Sara found it amusing that he couldn't bring himself to call him her lover or boyfriend, or friend even, he was always her boss. Not that Sara could blame him. Her father had never been too partial to the men she'd brought home, even when she was in college, he just didn't want to know. He once told her that, he didn't care how many men Sara was with in her life, until she found the man she was going to marry, he didn't want to meet any of them.

"He's very understanding and sympathetic… he's here for me when I need someone to talk to, when I need a shoulder to cry on, he's here, and that's what I really need right now," Sara told him. She paused for a moment, choosing her next words carefully, "Dad… he's the one that I think you'll want to meet."

Her father didn't respond and Sara wonder if he caught the drift of what she was trying to tell him.

"Dad?"

"Sara, are you sure?" he asked.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Sara told him, smiling.

"I'm happy for you, honey. Take care of yourself."

"I will, Dad."

"And bring this man to see me before you get married will ya? I don't want to find out you're pregnant before I meet him."

A chill ran down Sara's spine at her father's words. Pregnant with Gil's child? The thought had never crossed her mind, not since they had decided to move forward with a relationship anyway. True, there had been the random fantasy where they were married with several children in a large house with a white picket fence, but Sara hadn't had that fantasy in a long while.

"Sara?"

Her father's voice startled her from her thoughts and Sara adjusted herself on the couch, glancing down the hallway toward the bedroom, "I'm here."

"Well, I'm going to let you go, honey. Get some rest."

"I will. Take care of yourself. I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Sara."

Sara hung up the phone and moved quietly down the hall, pushing the bedroom door open slightly to find Grissom still fully dressed and sound asleep in the middle of the big bed against the far wall. Sara smiled to herself. She enjoyed watching him sleep, it was really the only time he was completely relaxed and comfortable. He seemed almost child like lying the way he was.

Both feet hanging over the end of the bed, flat on the floor. His head had rolled to the right, toward the window. Arms crossed over his chest. He had been thinking when he fell asleep. She had caught him thinking in this same position many times… early in the morning when she'd stopped by after a shift that he'd had off, or in the middle of the afternoon when she'd worked a long shift and all she wanted was to curl up beside him and go to sleep. She loved finding him this way. She loved crawling onto the bed and leaning over him and kissing him awake. She loved the goofy look on his face when he finally opened his eyes to look up into hers. She loved everything about him and somehow, she knew that that would never change.

Slipping out of her sweats and T-shirt, Sara moved to the foot of the bed. She worked Gil's sweats off, leaving him in his boxers and shirt, and bent over him.

"Gil?" she whispered, her breath moving his hair slightly as she spoke.

She kissed him once, seeing if he would respond. He didn't and Sara kissed him again, a little more forcefully.

Grissom stirred, rolling his body toward her some and drawing his knees up onto the bed. Sara smiled. She laid her head on his chest then, closing her eyes.

"Gil… I love you."

She heard him take a deep breath as much as she felt it, and knew that he was waking up slowly. Sara draped an arm across his chest as he pulled her into his arms. Kissing her hair softly, he shifted them so that they lay facing each other.

"Is everything all right?" he asked, his voice tinged with the early stage of sleep.

Sara nodded, "Fine, I guess."

They lay there quietly, neither of them feeling the need to speak. Sara was exhausted, she could feel it in her bones, but lying in the comfort of Gil's arms it seemed to his harder. She nestled closer to his chest, pressing her face to the place where his heartbeat echoed and closed her eyes.

"I'm so tired," she said softly.

Grissom nodded against her hair and kissed her head again.

"Let's go to bed, sweetheart."

Sara woke up alone the next morning. Grissom wasn't beside her in bed and the ajoining bathroom door was open.

"Gil?" she called.

No answer.

Sara yawned, stretching her arms over her head. He probably got called in, Sara thought. She wasn't going to worry about it. If he'd be called in to consult, he would've left her a note on the breakfast bar like he always did. She wouldn't worry unless there was no note.

She got out of bed, finding the sweatpants she had discarded earlier. Sara headed in the direction of the kitchen, catching the scent of fresh coffee wafting around her.

The sound of voices drifting in from the kitchen startled Sara and she glanced back at the bedroom, know that her gun was lying on Gil's dresser.

"Griss?" She called stepping fully into the living room now. She breathed a sigh of relief, seeing Grissom and Brass in the small kitchen, each of them with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Jesus, Griss, when I call you, answer… you scared the hell out of me."

Brass and Grissom both looked up at her over the breakfast bar and she noticed Brass' amused glance as he dropped his eyes to the floor. Grissom just stood there, smirking at her.

"What?" Sara asked, suddenly uncomfortable under their scrutiny.

"Honey…"

He glanced somewhere below her neck and Sara glanced down. Her arms immediately folded over her chest. She had gone to sleep topless and in the process of getting out of bed and finding a note from Gil and a cup of coffee, she had forgotten her shirt.

"Oh shit," she muttered, "Well that was embarrassing."

Now Brass did laugh and Grissom couldn't help the soft chuckle that escaped him. Sara blushed furiously, turning on her heel and high tailing it back to the bedroom.

"She always so disoriented when she wakes up?" Brass asked, "Or is it some kind of deal the two of you have, her walking around here half dressed.

Grissom shook his head, "Gimme a break, Jim. She's usually a little out of it first thing when she wakes up, and how was she to know you were here? It's not like I haven't seen her dressed like that more than once."

Brass laughed lightly, patting his friend on the back, "Oh, don't I know it."

The glare Grissom sent Brass made the other man raise his hands in defense, "Sorry, uncalled for."

Grissom didn't say anything as he took another drink of his coffee. The two men stood there quietly, neither of them sure how to approach the subject of the lovely Sara Sidle.

"Gil," Brass began, slightly hesitant, "I don't mean to sound negative, but, are you sure you know what you're doing here? I mean, I love Sara, she's a sweet girl and a great CSI, but I hope this isn't just some midlife crisis. I don't think that one will stick around if you break her heart again."

Grissom nodded, "I know that she won't. She told me as much when I told her that I finally knew what I wanted. And I have no intention of breaking Sara's heart, Jim. I love her."

Jim smiled, turning to catch Sara standing in the hallway, listening to their conversation. Grissom turned and followed his gaze. He blushed slightly, seeing her there, knowing she had heard the emotion in his statement. He dropped his head, staring soundlessly at the cup of coffee in his hands.

"Well-" Brass said, clearing his throat, "-I should get going. Sara, Gil."

With that, they watched him go, neither of them saying anything to the other until the door was closed and Sara had locked it firmly behind him.

"I love you, too, you know."

Grissom nodded, "I know."

"Do you really think it's ok that Jim's knows about us? I mean, it's not that I don't trust him or anything, it's just that, if he knows, the others are bound to find out and I know that-"

Grissom took two steps and closed the distance between them, his hand covering her mouth to stop her sudden tirade. Sara looked at him, her brown eyes wide.

"You once said that you over talk around me… so stop talking, Sara," he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, moving her toward the couch with him and pulling her down onto his lap, "Honey, it's fine that Jim knows, and you're right, everyone else is going to figure it out sooner or later. But they're trained investigators, Sara, they're paid to analyze people and their behavior. Hell, I'm surprised Catherine hasn't come into my office ranting and raving about it."

Sara frowned at the thought of Catherine knowing that they were intimate. It scared her a little. She liked the charade they put on at work. She enjoyed knowing that this time was theirs and only theirs. No one else knew so no one could interrupt or do anything about it. The guys didn't know, which was probably for the best because if Greg found out, the whole lab would know. It wasn't that he was a trustworthy guy, it was just that he had a tendency of getting over excited about things and he tended to ramble when he was excited.

"What are we going to do when they do found out, Griss? What are we going to do when word gets to Ecklie… when management hears about it?" Sara asked, suddenly overcome with worry.

Grissom shrugged, "Honestly? I don't know. I didn't want to think that far ahead. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, I don't want that thought hanging over our heads."

Neither of them spoke. Sara huddled herself closer into his embrace and Gil's arms instinctively tightened around her.

"What'd Brass want?" Sara asked after a few minutes.

"Just checking in actually, he wanted to make sure that everything was all right between you and me," he told her, smiling a little at the thought.

Sara laughed, "I bet he got more than the answer he was expecting."

Grissom laughed with her, noticing that she was blushing again, "He definitely got a show when you walked out of the bedroom."

Sara swatted at his chest, "Hey, how was I supposed to know we had company? I wasn't expecting anyone to be here when I walked out of the room in my bra!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Grissom said, his hands raised in defense, "I should've warned you."

"That's what I thought," Sara huffed, pushing off of his lap and sitting beside him on the couch. She reached for the t/v remote on the coffee table but Grissom's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Sara, we still need to talk…"

Sara abandoned the remote and sat back on the couch, closing her eyes.

"Can't get anything past you, can I?" she deadpanned.

Grissom's hand found hers and he squeezed gently. Sara squeeze back, taking comfort in the contact between them.

"I suppose I should tell you why my mother is in jail…"


	6. Chapter VI

**Part 6**

Sara was hesitant to explain this particular thorn from her past. She really didn't know where to begin. Her shoulders were tense and she could feel the tears starting in her eyes even though she had yet to say a word. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see Grissom's reaction to the horror that she was about to relive.

"Mark was eventually convicted of attempted murder and multiple counts of assault. We were there, in the courtroom, when the judge delivered his sentence. I thought my mother was going to have a heart attack when she heard the words leave his mouth," Sara said. Grissom's grip on her hand tightened and he urged her on. "Twenty-five years to life in a military prison. God, Mom went nuts. Started screaming at the top of her lungs, crying, telling Mark that they would file for appeal. My dad kept his arms around me the entire time she was throwing her fit, keeping me as far away from her as he could while waiting for her to calm down. We waited for a while."

Sara took a deep breath, suddenly feeling as though she would pass out. Her head dropped to the back of the couch and her tears started falling. Grissom's hand was there, wiping them away, letting her cheek caress his hand.

"When my mother had finally calmed down with the help of the bailiff, she turned on me and my father. He tried to stop her, but it was sort of pointless. My mother was determined to get her hands around my throat. And she did. She grabbed me, both of her hands around my throat, crushing my windpipe, and my vocal cords. I know I blacked out at some point during the entire thing because I don't remember my mother being dragged away. When I finally came around, I was in the back of an ambulance on my way to the hospital."

Her tears suddenly became a flood, making paths down her face and throat. A harsh sob escaped her and she was immediately enveloped in Grissom's arms. She cried against him, letting the pain of the entire ordeal out. It had been years since the attack had brought her to this emotional peak. Somehow, it had become a recessed memory, something she tried so hard to forget.

Grissom stroked her throat gently. Imagining the bruising pattern that her mother's hands would have made. Tears were freely making paths to his beard and he didn't really notice them. Suddenly he wondered what Sara's voice had sounded like as a child; whether her mother's attack had inflicted permanent physical damage to the woman he loved.

"Sweetheart… your voice-"

Sara nodded against his shoulder in an attempt to hide her face. Grissom's hand cupped the back of her neck, holding her closer to him, feeling her painful sobs as she shook against him.

"Oh, honey," he couldn't speak his thoughts, they were too painful. His hand on the back of her neck massaged in a soothing motion as his brain tried to register the damage that had been done to her.

Sara continued to cry, the years of pain finally catching up to her, as she sat embraced in her lover's arms. Flashes of that day in the courtroom, of the night Mark had tried to kill her, they crowded in her mind now, fighting to get out, to cause her to feel what she had felt each moment of her childhood. Fear.

"The doctor's told my father that I may never be able to speak again, she had done so much damage," Sara choked, "But I wasn't willing to let my mother ruin my life. And my father wouldn't stand for it."

Grissom pulled her closer, needing the strength that radiated from her to quell his own rising fear and anger. Sara was still sobbing to the point of gasping for breath, her world was spinning.

"What happened to your mother?" Grissom asked quietly, knowing that the quicker Sara relived this, the easier it would be for her to recover.

Sara shrugged, pulling back a little and allowing her sobs to subside slightly before taking a deep breath and trudging on through the pain.

"We found out a couple of days later that my mother made bail. I still don't know who put it up for her, but I can only assume that it was my brother. There was no way in hell my father, or even my aunt for that matter, would pay to let my mother out of jail. As far as they were concerned, she belonged there," Sara explained, "I remember my father's attorney coming to see us in the hospital; he brought me flowers and a stuffed bear. He told my father that my mother had been released… I don't think I've ever seen my dad so angry. But then again, I didn't see the look on his face when my mother attacked me."

She seemed to be struggling with putting her memories together. Sara fell silent but her emotions showed in her eyes. Grissom saw sorrow, pain and anger flash there before something else replaced them, something stronger. Something he didn't see often with her. Hatred. Sheer hatred. Passionate, overpowering hatred reflected in the beautiful brown of Sara's eyes and Grissom felt for her.

"They placed uniformed officers all around the hospital," Sara said, her voice suddenly losing all trace of emotion. She had become monotone, separating herself from the pain of her past. "The ADA was really worried that my mother would attempt to see me in the hospital. They thought that she would try to kill me, finish what she had started in the court room that day. So my father and I were watched twenty four hours a day. Dad hated it, drove him crazy. He had an escort everywhere he went. Hospital, home, work. Didn't matter, there was always someone there. All the way up until the day of the hearing."

The annoying, familiar ring of Grissom's cell phone interrupted them and he sighed loudly. He had to untangle himself from Sara, who had become wrapped around him again, before he could answer the phone.

"Grissom."

Sara huddled herself into a ball on the end of the couch. By the serious tone of Gil's voice, she knew that he would be leaving her to head out on a case. For some reason, she wanted to reach and grab him, hold him to her, make him stay.

"Grissom, please," it came out somewhat like a whimper and Grissom nearly dropped his cell phone.

"Um, Nick, I'll call you back."

Closing his phone, Grissom dropped back down on the couch beside Sara, pulling her against him. She was shaking almost violently and the whole thing scared Grissom to death. He had never seen Sara this way, in all of the years he had known her, he had never seen her so terrified.

"What is it, baby? What's wrong?"

His endearment went unnoticed and his hold on Sara tightened. She was still shaking. He couldn't seem to make here fears subside enough to calm her down and he didn't know what else to do.

"Please, Gil, don't leave me," Sara breathed, "I can't stop now. I have to tell you the rest, I have to do it now or I really won't be able to."

Grissom rested his hand in Sara's hair, holding her face gently against his shoulder, hearing her breath rasping near his ear. He feared she was going to have an anxiety attack if he didn't get her breathing back to normal.

"Hey, sweetheart, Sara, look at me," he requested softly, hands still running through her hair. Sara lifted her face from Grissom's shoulder, her eyes locking on his. Her breath was still uneven.

"Breath, honey," he said quietly, "Take a deep breath, Sara. You need to breathe for me, honey."

She tried, taking in a deep shaky breath. Her face was flushed and dry tears were smeared all over her face. She took another breath, slower this time. Her gaze never left Grissom's face as she tried to imitate his breathing pattern. She took another slow breath.

"Better?" Grissom asked.

Sara nodded slowly.

Neither of them said anything. They sat together on the couch, the same place where Sara had spent many hours over the last few days reliving the nightmare of her childhood. They sat in Grissom's apartment, a place, until a few months ago, Sara could only dream on being. They sat together, a pair of lovers, taking comfort in the strength they shared.

The smell of warm pasta sauce drew Sara from the bathroom. Gil's terry cloth wrapped tightly around her, she padded into the kitchen.

Grissom stood at the stove, his naked back to her. She smiled. His hair was still in wet, unruly curls on the top of his head and beads of water rolled down his spine between his shoulder blades. Stepping up behind him, Sara wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his bare shoulder.

"I thought you were getting dressed," he said without looking at her.

Sara shrugged, "I went into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed but all I could do was sit there. I was staring at the characters over the dresser, 'Peace' and 'Harmony'… two things that I've never really had in my life. Until now."

Grissom didn't say anything as he continued to stir the sauce.

Sara wasn't bothered by his lack of response. She knew that he wasn't sure what to say and that he wasn't always comfortable saying what he felt. She placed a wet kiss on his shoulder and moved to sit at the breakfast bar.

"Did you call Nick back?" she asked, playing with the cup of coffee Grissom had left sitting there.

He nodded, "He wanted to know if I knew where you were. He tried to call your apartment and your cell. He was worried."

"I completely forgot," Sara sighed, "My cell's in the car. What did you tell him?"

"That I had talked to you earlier and that you told me you were going home to sleep," Grissom told her, turning toward her with the pan of sauce in his hand. He held a spoonful at to Sara and she raised an eyebrow at him, "Taste it."

She did, nodding to him, "That's amazing. Is that parmesan?"

Grissom smiled, "That's my little secret."

Sara made a quiet noise of approval, her gaze shifting back to the coffee cup she was holding. Grissom turned back to the stove and Sara watched him as he cooked. It was as if he was working a crime scene, taking every aspect into consideration. Adding spices with precision, as if he were doing an experiment. The similarities were amusing.

"My mother's trial date was pushed forward. Like I said, the ADA's office was worried about my safety at that point. Anyway, I was expected to testify against my mother, not that that was a real surprise," Sara told him. "I sat with my father in the room, listening to the prosecutor belittle my mother, calling her a terrible parent and an even worse person. Her character was called into play. They called her erratic and dangerous. It was horrible, sitting there, listening to what everyone was saying about my mom."

Grissom was making the pasta now, listening as Sara spoke. He nodded when she stopped, knowing that she was wondering if he was even paying attention.

"Keep going, honey, what happened after that?"

Sara shrugged, even though he wouldn't see it, and continued, "So much that I don't really remember it all."

"The trial actually only lasted a day. It didn't take long for the ADA to convince a jury that my mother was dangerous. What made it difficult was my mom's defense. Her lawyer was attempting to convince everyone, judge, jury and audience, that my mother was not guilty due to mental defect. Not that I can argue with that now… what kind of mother would try to kill their own child? You would have to be mad."

Sara laughed sadly and Grissom glanced at her over his shoulder. She had tears in her eyes but she was fighting them. He turned back to the food, knowing that distracting her wouldn't make rehashing the memories any easier.

"Two days later, we were back in court for the verdict. My mother was being child with abuse, assault and attempted murder… I probably left that part out. I was unconscious in the hospital for six days. The doctor's told my father that I was lucky I lived through all of the beatings. I almost died at my mother's hand."

Grissom paused over the stove, the spoon in his hand stopped spinning in the pot of sauce. He took in his words and the impact they had on his heart was painful. He could've lost her before they'd ever met. That thought brought tears to his eyes.

"She was found guilty and sentenced to twenty years in a minimum security prison. And I never saw her again…"

Grissom had resumed cooking and was now heaping pasta and sauce onto a plate in front of Sara. He pushed her plate in front of her and sat down beside her. Picking up his fork, he dug in to the plate of spaghetti, avoiding Sara's gaze.

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, Sara stood up, moving quickly away from the breakfast bar.

"Sara?"

"I think I should head home," she called, already moving down the hall.

Grissom followed her, abandoning the plate of spaghetti, and following his leggy brunette to the bedroom. When he opened the door, Sara was perched on the edge of the bed, head in her hands.

He sat down beside her, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. He kissed the top of her head, squeezing her tighter.

"It's over, Sara," he whispered, "its over. Your mother's in jail and she can't hurt you, honey. I won't let anyone hurt you again."

Sara cried softly, wrapping her arms around Grissom's waist and squeezing him like she couldn't let him go.

"That's just it, Gil, it's not over."

Grissom pulled back a little, enough to look into Sara's eyes.

"What aren't you telling me, honey?"

Sara and Grissom settled back against the headboard of his bed, her back against his chest, his arms around his waist. This would be the last of it. Her secret would be out and he would know. Grissom would know why she carried the attitude she did when working domestic dispute cases. He would know why she often cried for female victims. And he would know why she had suddenly become so sullen and depressed over the last year. He would know why she had been drinking that night.

"My mom was convicted in Modesto, 1984. Her sentence was twenty years and she served it to full term. Which means she was released -"

"Sometime last year… oh god."

"It's all right, please, just let me tell you the rest," Sara pleaded, "It's almost over. There isn't much left but I want to tell you. I need to."

"My mother was released a few months early, due to some nice footwork by her lawyer," Sara explained, "Just before Christmas, 2003. I was contacted by the DA's office. For some reason, they still thought that she was a threat to my well-being."

Sara shook her head, her hair brushing over Grissom's bare chest and he couldn't help but smile at the feel of it. She didn't notice as she went on, "Anyway, I get a call from the DA, warning me that Laura's been released, and then I get a call a few days later from my dad, telling me that I should be careful because my mother's already been 'in contact' with him. Which, in my father's 'I'm-trying-to-protect-you' way, means that she's called and threatened him or she's approached him somewhere. He would never tell me that, though, because he doesn't like to upset me."

"Which is completely understandable," Grissom said lightly, "Because I know how you are when you're upset."

Sara laughed softly at his attempt to lighten the situation.

"Yeah… when I was younger, my father would do everything in his power to keep me from being upset. Like when I was thirteen, or fourteen, my dog Ginger was hit by a car while I was on vacation with a friend and my dad went out and bought me a brand new dog that looked just like Ginger. He even trained her to come when I called her. After the hell I went through with my mother, my dad did everything in his power to keep me happy… I think he may have worried that I would run away again," she said. "I guess I made his life more difficult than it needed to be. He was always worrying about me and doing anything he could to keep me happy."

"Sara, he's your father and you survived a very traumatic experience, honey," Grissom said, "If I had been in the same situation, I would've done anything to make sure my child was never harmed again."

Sara took in his words, feeling the sudden urge to wrap herself around him and never let go. She closed her eyes, not sure she was ready for the answer to the question she was about to ask.

"Gil?"

"Hmm."

"Do you ever think about what it would've been like if we had gotten together when we met?" Sara asked, silently preparing herself for the blow of his response.

"All the time," Grissom said quietly, shocking Sara a little.

"Do you think about what our children would've looked like?" she asked, again putting her walls up.

"I think about what they will look like, honey."

Sara's head whipped around and she met Grissom's gaze. She could see the truth and emotion in his eyes and it made her shiver. She turned in his arms, tucking her head neatly under his chin.

"I love you, Gil."

"And I, you, Sara," he told her, tightening his grip on her again, "Now tell me the rest, honey, please."

Sara sighed, snuggling deeper into Gil's embrace before continuing.

"About three days before we got the call on the Marlin case, my mother called me. I wasn't home, thank god, but she left me this terrible message and I sort of panicked when I heard it," Sara said, shuddering involuntarily at the thought. "I think I drank an entire bottle of vodka that night… I was terrified and clueless about what I should do. Not that I think about it, it's so unlike me to panic that way, but that's the kind of power my mother has had on me since I was a little girl. It's hard for me… to take orders from women, if you haven't noticed."

"Ah, Catherine."

Sara nodded, "Yeah, Catherine. Everyone always tells me that I have a problem with authority, but that's not it at all. Yes, I have a problem taking orders sometimes, but it has more to do with who's giving me the order. I don't have a problem taking orders from you because I trust you not to hurt me, Griss. I don't do well with Catherine because I can't make myself trust women… I just can't."

Grissom kissed her hair softly, "I can understand that, honey… so the stress you were feeling, the reason you started drinking, it wasn't work related or even because of me, it was because of your mother?"

Sara laughed lightly, "Not quite. Yeah, my mother's call irked me and my initial reaction was to drown myself in alcohol. But my PEAP counselor and I dissected it this way. It wasn't one stressful element that set me off, it was all of them. Work, driving myself to the breaking point with cases that reminded me so much of my past. Our relationship, making me feel like I was on a never-ending roller coaster- and don't grin at me like that Gil Grissom because not everyone in the world shares your love for roller coasters. I, personally, despise them. Ever since we worked that case with Pharaoh's Fever…"

Sara made a little shuddering noise and Grissom couldn't help laugh.

"So, you see, my turning to alcohol didn't start until my mother came back into my life and my whole world felt like it was crashing down on me… what I didn't know, was that it had already started to collapse and I was barely strong enough to hold it up," she continued, her voice softer now. "That day, I downed the entire bottle of vodka, got pissed, trashed my apartment, cried, and then passed out on the couch. It's too bad I had the night off or the shit would've hit the fan then and there. I slept more that day than I had in months… an alcohol induced sleep, but sleep none-the-less. The bad didn't really happen until I woke up… I was so hung over, I didn't know what to do with myself. So I turned on a CD and cleaned up the apartment. I remember walking around, moving from room to room, feeling like a zombie. I did things meticulously, like it was already programmed into my brain. Even cleaning up the plant… that poor plant."

Grissom didn't say anything and she knew that he didn't know what she was talking about.

"The plant, Grissom, the orchid you sent me? 'From Grissom'?"

She glanced up in time to watch the blush rise on his face.

"You kept it all that time?" he asked.

Sara shrugged and nodded, "Of course. It was from you… of course, it endured its fair share of my wrath."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Grissom asked, still somewhat confused.

"Well, uh, I guess, just that- whenever I was angry or frustrated with you, I had to find the some way to take out my frustration-" Sara laughed, "I'm surprised the poor thing survived as long as it did.

Grissom shook his head and sighed. Sometimes, he didn't understand this woman.

"There's more though," Sara said suddenly, drawing him from his musings. "During the Marlin case… my mother contacted me two more times. She said she saw my picture in the paper… with Debbie Marlin's name under it."

Grissom stiffened, pushing Sara back some so he could look into her eyes.

"Sara-"

"No, it's all right, Gil," she said, shaking her head lightly, "I had figured that something was different about the Marlin case… I knew because of the way you looked at me and the way you spoke to me. You were more distance than normal and sort of short with me at times. At first, I was worried that you were just pissed at me, but then… my mom called. So I went to the morgue and I was just going to go in and look at her… look at her face and get it over with. But Catherine paged me to come to the break room for the conference call. I didn't see her face 'til later when Cath asked me to get her toe prints."

"She looked just like you, honey, it scared the hell out of me."

"I realized that… later, after I watched you interrogate Lurie."

Sara's voice in that moment reminded Gil of a frightened child. He felt her tense in his arms and his hands immediately started moving on her back to soothe her. He hadn't known she was there, he didn't know that she had heard his confession to Lurie. She knew all this time that I loved her, Gil thought, and she knew that I was a coward. He squeezed her harder, suddenly needing to make sure that she was his, that she wasn't running away from him.

"I-I should have said something," Grissom said quietly, "Oh, God, Sara, I'm so sorr-"

"Hey, it's ok. Really, I know how hard this is for you and its ok now. I'm here and you're here and you aren't letting anything get in the way of our relationship," Sara explained, "That's all I need, Gil, because I love you."

"Are you sure that it's enough?"

Sara pulled back, smiling up at him, "I love you, Gil. And yes, that is all I will ever need."

For a minute, she just sat there, staring at him. She really didn't know what else to do, or how to go on with her story. She knew that he would be upset by what she had been through, and he would feel guilty for not knowing that something was wrong, but he had a right to know. If they were going to continue their relationship, he needed to know.

"Now that we've gotten that out of the way…" she said lightly, turning and leaning against his chest again. With each breath he took, Sara felt his chest expand and she found it amusing the way it moved them both. She took a breath of her own, and trudged on.

"Do you remember the morning we worked the Trent case? Porn star and her husband were killed in their driveway?" Grissom nodded and Sara went on. "I went home after shift that morning to find my mother waiting for me outside my apartment building. I think I just sort of freaked out, seeing her again, and I yelled at her… screamed really. I told her I wanted her to leave… told her I would call the police if she did. Then she started in on me, telling me how useless and pathetic I was. I couldn't even stand up to my own fucking mother, as she so kindly put it. I was standing there… in the middle of my apartment complex's parking lot, having an argument with my estranged mother. I- I had just come off an incredibly long shift and I specifically remember wanting nothing more than to shower and crash. But no, I had to force my mother to leave… I even pulled out my cell and acted like I was calling for backup. I really called you… hit the first number on my speed dial-" Sara laughed, "-I had no clue what I was going to do if you answered. Luckily, I didn't have to say anything because, after calling me a few names that I don't really care to repeat, she left."

"Sara, you could've just said, Griss, I'm in trouble, and I would have come to you."

"I know that now," Sara said, shrugging a little, "but, at the time, I wasn't sure that you would. It doesn't matter, she left and I proceed to drown my fear. I went into my apartment, locked the door and all the windows, took a beer from the fridge and drank it all in one breath. I threw up… I remember that much. God, did I throw up. And it wasn't, oh I drank too much or I ate something bad, throwing up. It was, I'm so fucking scared, throwing up. And then I got paged. I got to the scene, did my job, but the minute I got back to the lab, Brass corners me and asks me if I've been drinking. I didn't know what to do… so I played it off like I'd had a drink with dinner and everything was fine when, inside, I was screaming at myself to ask him to help me."

"Why didn't you, honey?" Grissom asked, his voice calm and gentle.

Sara laughed again, "Please. Sara Sidle doesn't ask for help."

He frowned. He didn't like the way Sara thought they all saw her. He didn't see her that way. He didn't see her as stubborn and high strung. He saw her as strong and confident and passionate. He understood her passion, understood the way she focused her emotions on each and every case. It was part of what he loved about her.

"After that, things at work started heading south, making this worse for me. First the promotion, then the DUI. I never thought I'd be able to get my life back under control," she said, her voice losing some of the energy he had heard there earlier.

"Tell me about that night, about the night you were pulled over," Grissom urged.

Sara hesitated but only for a moment, "Well, you know what happened after I was pulled over so I'm assuming you mean before that. We worked the Linley Parker case. Yet another victim of rape, one more out of thousands. I realized what I was doing to myself. And I thought that it was slowly becoming useless. What the hell was I doing? Why did I fight so hard for these women when nothing good ever came from it? So I told Catherine to do the SAE kit and I left the hospital. That's when I actually had my first drink. On the way back from the hospital. I stopped off at my apartment… I'm lucky I didn't kill anyone, aren't I? When we talked in the lab that night, while Linley talked with the sketch artist, I was sure you would smell the alcohol on my breath. But you didn't say anything and I just pretended like it hadn't happened, I went on with the case."

"After Linley Parker died, I just sort of shut down. I didn't care about anything at that point and that's when the boys and I went out. We didn't even drink. We went out together and Nick wanted to go and grab a beer but War and I turned him down. After Warrick left, Nick and I walked for a while, talking about work mostly. I told him how happy I was that he'd been recommended for the promotion…"

"And the funny thing was, I wasn't happy for him at all. I was just too pissed at you to care about Nicky. Pathetic, I know, because he's my best friend, he might as well be my brother. But I lied and told him I was proud of him, that he deserved it, and I left him on the strip. I guess I had no intention of drinking before heading home… I really don't think I even consciously knew I was walking into a bar. I mean, I don't remember going in and sitting down. I don't even remember ordering a drink. All I really remember after leaving Nick is being pulled over and brought in," she said, trying to put it all together in her mind.

"I guess you know the rest…" Sara snuggled deeper into Grissom's embrace and closed her eyes.

Grissom held her, pressing soft kisses into her hair and not speaking. He was trying to absorb everything she had told him, but there was so much. He would never have imagined Sara having to endure all of the pain and suffering that she had. He didn't want to imagine it.

"Sara, what about your mother?" he asked, suddenly remembering that she hadn't mentioned her mother since their argument in front of her apartment building.

"Oh yeah… mommy dearest."


	7. Chapter VII

**A/N: I will do my best to make this short and sweet. I am going crazy trying to finish this story so this will be, for sure, the last part. Minus a minor epilogue… Sorry!**

**Part 7**

"I don't know where she is now. We had one last encounter, not nearly as tense as the first, but we had an argument and I never saw her after that. The last time my mother contacted me…" Sara told him, her voice calm and controlled. "It was after I'd been picked up for my DUI… after you and I started seeing each other outside of work. I had just gotten off of shift, the day we worked the Durbin case? You remember, the crazy kid with the bombs all over the house?"

Grissom nodded his response.

"I don't know if you know this, but, I found video tapes under the kids bed," she said, "And I… I watched them."

"Sara, what was on the tapes?"

She took a slightly ragged breath, "Something that I very much wish that I hadn't seen, because I wish that I didn't know how sick some people are. I mean, I know how crazy people can be, we see it everyday on the job. But I guess that I never wanted to believe that parents actually teach their children to be evil. I mean, the way that kid was raised… it made me sick, Gil. His father taught him that killing innocent animals was fun, that building bombs was easy. God! What the hell is wrong with people? Why can't parents just … I don't know, why can't everyone just be normal!"

She was crying now, shaking hard as she fought the sobs building up in her. Grissom held onto her, letting her cry, waiting for her to calm down and breath evenly again. He rocked with her where they sat on his bed still, both of them wrapped tightly around each other, drawing strength from their position there. They didn't speak, neither of them able to communicate what they were feeling. Sara nuzzled her face deeper into his neck, feeling his bearded chin rubbing against her temple.

"Who are we to say what's normal?" Gil asked, "Really? I mean, neither you nor I had a normal childhood, honey. None of our friends had normal childhoods, everyone believes that two parents and two point five kids is a 'normal' family. But whose standards are those, Sara? My childhood, although it wouldn't really classify as normal, was just fine. And Warrick, he was raised by his grandmother, and he won't hear anything negative about it. It all depends on the situation."

"Domestic violence, or violence of any kind, is not normal!" Sara screamed at him, pushing away from Grissom's embrace and scrambling to get out of the bed. She yanked open the bedroom door and her long legs carried her quickly down the hall. Grissom felt like he was practically running to catch up to her.

He managed to grab her hand before she made it to the front door. She spun on him when he pulled her arm gently.

"Sara, wait," he said quickly, "I'm not condoning it, Sara, I never would, you know me better than that. But I'm trying to help you understand. And maybe-"

"Maybe what?" Sara spat, tears staining her flushed cheeks.

"Maybe I'm trying to understand! Maybe I need to understand, honey, because, without some kind of explanation, I have this strong desire to kill your mother!" he yelled, his own tears coming now. He pulled her roughly against him and buried his face in her hair, "I could have lost you! I could have lost you over and over again and I never would have had the chance to tell you how much I love you, Sara. God, honey, I love you."

She sobbed then, harsh and loud into his shoulder and they stood there, in the entrance to his home, both of them crying for the lover they held in their arms. Something painful squeezed Grissom's heart and tears ran down his cheeks. This woman, strong and beautiful in his arms, was his and hurting and he wanted nothing more than to take away all of the pain she had endured. He tightened his hold on her, a weak attempt to merge her body with his.

"Make love to me, Gil," Sara whispered through her tears, "Make love to me and make this go away."

He didn't say anything as he gracefully picked her up, cradling her in his arms, and carried her back to the bedroom.

Sara woke up slowly, her eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room. The shower was running and she could hear the faint hum of the air conditioner. She adjusted the blankets around her, feeling her flesh prickle after being exposed to the cool air. Glancing at the clock, she knew Gil was getting ready for shift. They had less than two hours to get to the office. She didn't want to go. For probably the first time in her life, she had no desire whatsoever to get out of bed and go in to work. She just didn't care.

She heard the water shut off and knew that Gil would be walking into the bedroom in a moment.

"Griss?" she called, running her fingers through her hair as she sat up, "Do you think I have time to go for a quick run before work?"

He stuck his head into the room and shrugged, "You've got a couple of hours before you have to be in, I'm just heading in early."

"All right. I just, I don't know, I think it will help me clear my head some more," she said, feeling sheepish for asking.

"Whatever you need, honey."

Sara smiled and he disappeared back into the bathroom. She rummaged around the room for a few minutes, finding another pair of his sweats and a tank top before pulling on the tennis shoes she worn the day before.

"I'm gonna head out," she told him, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom. He was trimming his beard again. She was smiling, watching him, naked from the waist up, eyes focused intensly on what he was doing.

"Be careful," he said, looking at her in the mirror, "Stay on the path in the park. It's dark and I've seen enough victims just off the path there…"

"I'll be fine," she told him, kissing his cheek before leaving, "I'll take my pepper spray."

He laughed a little before calling over his shoulder, "Don't forget your cell phone."

Sara still managed to get to work twenty minutes early. She'd run, gone back to Gil's to shower and change, and then driven to work. She rested her head in her hands, a cup of coffee untouched on the table in front of her. She had meant for her run to wake her up, give her energy for the shift, but she was exhausted and her body was starting to ache.

"You okay?" Catherine asked, startling Sara so badly that her cup of coffee went flying across the , table sending the steaming liquid in all directions.

Catherine raised an eyebrow at her curiously.

"Damn it," Sara muttered, taking a roll of paper towels from the counter and mopping up the mess she'd made, "I'm fine, Cath, Just a little tired I guess."

"Have you been sick lately? Nauseous or anything? Sore muscles?" Catherine asked, staring at Sara questioningly.

Sara shrugged, "Not really. I mean, I got sick the other day, but it was just stress I think. My back and legs are all cramped up though… probably from my run. Why?"

When Sara turned to look at Catherine, she was wearing a cheesy grin. Sara felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. Her eyes widen and she thought she might throw up then and there.

She shook her head, "No. No, it's not possible."

"Anything's possible, Sara," Catherine told her, "You of all people should know that.

Sara collapsed into her chair again, staring straight ahead, not daring to meet the other woman's eyes. How could I have been so stupid? She thought, How could I have overlooked… Pregnant. I could be pregnant.

"Oh hell…" Sara groaned.

Catherine laughed, patting her on the back gently, "Never thought it would happen to you, did you? No one does really, not unless they're trying or something. You have to tell him."

Sara's head snapped up then and Catherine smirked, "Please. Don't look at me like that, Sara. I'm a trained investigator, trained by the best I'll remind you. He had to know I would figure it out sooner or later. I just knew better than to say anything."

"He's going to flip out when he hears this…"

"Who's going to flip out when they hear what?" Grissom's voice said from the doorway.

All color drained from her face and Catherine almost laughed again.

"Nicky, he's going to freak out when I tell him I have a decomp for him tonight," she said instead, feeling the need to cover for Sara, "After the last one he and Sara worked, he vowed never to touch another one. But Warrick and I are working a case from last night and he's the only one available to help you guys out. Not going to be happy, that one."

Grissom rolled his eyes and smiled a little.

"He's a big boy, Catherine. He'll get over it," Grissom told her, moving around her to the coffee pot. "Besides, I could always have Nick work with me and give the decomp to Greg and Sara."

Sara's jaw dropped and Catherine laughed. She patted Grissom on the back, much as she had just done to Sara, and said on her way out, "Ah, but you won't. I know you better than that."

And then she was gone. Leaving Grissom and Sara alone in the break room.

"Griss, we need to talk."

He paused in the middle of pouring his cup of coffee, turning toward her slightly.

"My office?" he asked, seeing the worry in her eyes.

"Yeah, if it's ok?"

Grissom nodded, putting the coffee pot back in place before leading her out of the room and down the hall.

The door to his office closed behind them and Sara sat down in her regular chair opposite his desk. He moved around her but didn't sit at his desk. Instead, he stood across from her chair, leaning against his desk, arms crossed over his chest.

"Are you all right?" he asked, "You look a little… I don't know, nervous."

Sara smiled weakly, dropping her eyes to her hands. "Nervous is definitely the right word. I'm just going to say it, because I think dancing around it isn't going to help any… I think I'm pregnant, Gil."

He didn't say anything at first. They sat in total silence, staring each other down. When he smiled at her, Sara's heart nearly exploded. He knelt down in front of her, spreading her legs with his chest and slipping his arms around her waist and resting his ear against her abdomen. Her hands slipped into his curls, holding him in place as her tears began sliding down her cheeks.

"I take it that you're okay with this?" she asked, her voice hoarse again.

Placing a tender kiss to her covered and completely flat stomach, Grissom pulled back to look up into her eyes. He reached up, cupping her face in both of his hands.

"Do you really think that I would turn you and our child away?" he asked gently, "I love you, Sara. So much that I will never let you go."

She cried a little harder then and he pulled her down into his arms.

The knock on the door startled them both and as they turned, Catherine entered with Nick and Warrick right behind her.

"Oh…"

Sara smiled, shaking her head, "Come in here and close the door… I think we have something to tell you."


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Sara stood in the cereal aisle of the local supermarket, scanning the shelves for Gil's favorite box. He had, at some point in the last three years, become very picky about his choice of breakfast foods. Before, when whichever cereal she was eating was good enough for him, shopping wasn't so much of a chore. Now, he had to have Honey Nut Cheerios every single morning just because he liked to watch Livia steal the dry ones from his bowl. Not that he didn't instigate this. He would pull her high chair as close to him at the table as he could, making sure his bowl was within her reach, and then he would eat slowly, watching her out of the corner of his eye. She would stare at him, sucking softly on her little two year old thumb, until he could see the tears starting in her eyes. Then, he'd push the bowl closer, and she would dig in, making a complete mess of the milk and cereal in his bowl and almost every morning that they played this game, Sara would come home to find Livia in her high chair, grinning from ear to ear, and Gil's bowl upside down on the table.

Smiling to herself, Sara put two boxes of the stuff in her shopping cart before moving on to collect her own cereal. She was pretty quick about her weekly ritual even though it was one of the only times she really had to herself. Between work and taking care of her family, she didn't get much alone time, but she loved being at home and every unnecessary minute she spent away from them wasn't worth it.

"That'll be a one twenty three, seventy two, ma'am."

Sara handed the cashier her credit card.

"Can I see your driver's license with this card, Mrs. Grissom?" the young man asked.

Sara smiled at him. She was in here every week like clock work and had been shopping here for the better part of three years. The cashier, Justin, knew both her and Gil by name and they knew him as well, he lived a few doors down from them. But Sara didn't mind his request, he was doing his job. She dug the card out of her purse and handed it to him.

"So… you're a Grissom now?"

The familiarity of the voice behind her caused Sara's skin to crawl. She turned.

"Mom…"

"Surprised to see me?" Laura Sidle asked.

She looked old to Sara, so much more than she had the last time they'd met. She was wearing a nice blue jean skirt and a sleeveless sweater, smiling a sickly sweet smile.

"That's the funny thing… I'm really not. I knew that I hadn't seen the last of you, even though I wish that I had," Sara said cooly, "And yes, I'm married. To a wonderful man, the father of my children."

Sara's hand unconsciously ran over her stomach, rounded with seven months of pregnancy.

"Good to know you got past that social ineptness you had your whole life," her mother said.

Sara snorted, "How the hell would you know anything about my life? You were never really a part of it."

The two women stood staring at each other. Sara, completely still, couldn't seem to move. She was furious that this woman had the nerve to approach her, especially in a public place.

"Mrs. Grissom," Justin said from behind her, "Is everything all right?"

That snapped her out of her trance and she turned back to the boy, "Yeah, fine."

He handed her credit card back to her along with her driver's license and Sara stuffed them into her purse. She signed the receipt and headed quickly out of the store to her car, not turning around to see if her mother had followed her out.

She loaded the bags into her trunk, slamming it shut with a little more force than necessary, and moved to get into the driver's seat.

"I hope you're as good a mother as I was," her mother's voice caught her off guard again and she knew broke down.

"You know what, go to hell," Sara snapped, adding as an afterthought, "And if you ever come near either of my children, I will hunt you down and kill you myself."

When she parked the car in the drive way of their home, Sara's knuckles were white where they clutched the steering wheel. Her heart was racing and she felt the bile rising slowly in her throat. Abandoning the groceries completely, she headed straight for the front door.

"Sara, honey, is that you?" Gil called.

She wasn't sure where he was, but she moved in the direction of his voice.

"Gil?" she called, wondering if that was really her voice that had come out.

And then she heard him moving toward her quickly, Olivia in his arms, wrapped in a towel and still dripping wet. They met in the hall and Sara pulled her daughter from into her shaking arms. Gil could see she'd been crying as she buried her nose in their daughter's brown curls. The little girl's arms slipped around her mother's neck and Grissom pulled them both into an embrace, pinning Olivia between them.

"Sweetheart," he whispered near her ear, "What happened? What's wrong?"

A sob broke from Sara's throat and Grissom squeezed her tighter.

"My m-mother," she muttered a little breathlessly, "At the supermarket."

Grissom pulled away from her then, leading her down the hall to her daughter's bedroom. Sara relinquished her hold on Olivia as she sat in the rocking chair beside her crib. She watched as Gil dressed the toddler in a yellow T-shirt and a pair of pink denim overalls with a large yellow butterfly on the front, it was his favorite outfit for their daughter. He put the child in her crib and pulled Sara to a standing position for a minute while he settled into the rocking chair. She sat carefully in his lap and rocked with him slowly.

"Honey, I know that you may not want to go through with this, but I think a restraining order is a good idea," he suggested, his hand making slow circles low on her stomach and earning him a soft kick from his child. "It may be best for you and this one."

Sara nodded, "I'm definitely going to agree with you on that one… but I don't want her anywhere near you or Liv either."

"Jim will take care of it, sweetheart," Grissom told her, "Nothing is going to happen to us."

Two days later, nearing the end of shift, Sara sat in her office finishing up some of the loose ends on her paperwork. She glanced up at the knock on her door to be greeted by a frowning Jim Brass.

"Hey, Jim, what's up?" she asked, feeling her stomach knot a little at the worried look on his face.

He moved into the office and sat down across from Sara, "Call just came in. Car accident out on I-19."

Sara's eyes widen but Brass shook his head, "Not Gil, shit, Sara, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have- it's not Gil and Liv."

She blinked a few times, holding back tears, "Who then?"

He looked down at the file in his hands, "Name on the license is a Laura Sidle. Blood-alcohol level was twice the legal limit. She didn't make it to the hospital, honey. I'm sorry."

Sara didn't say anything for a moment as she scanned the file that Brass handed her.

"She's dead…"

Brass nodded, watching Sara's emotions play across her face. Her left hand rested across her stomach and her right one clutched the pen she'd been using. She didn't seem upset or saddened by the news of her mother's death, she seemed relieved.

"Are you going to be all right, Sara?" Jim asked.

Sara nodded wordlessly. She couldn't think of anything to say.

"I'll call Gil, have him and 'Livia come pick you up," he told her, already dialing Grissom's number on his cell phone.

"Gil, its Jim. I think you should come to the lab and collect your wife," he said, "No, no. She and the baby are fine. I'll let Sara explain it to you. Yeah, yeah. Just hurry."

Grissom arrived at the lab less than twenty minutes after Jim had called, indicating that he had broken more than one traffic law on his way. He made the familiar trek to his old office where his wife, the new night shift supervisor of the Las Vegas crime lab, would be waiting for him. He clung to his sleeping daughter, trying not to wake her as he searched for her mother. He found Sara and Jim both waiting in the darkened office.

"Sara?" his voice was shaking.

"Gil," Brass said, standing. He held out his arms, "Let me take her. You need to be with your wife for a while."

Grissom carefully handed the sleeping Olivia to her godfather and waited until they were out of the room before closing the door and moving to Sara's side.

"Honey, what is it? What's going on?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Sara shook her head slowly, "It can't be this simple… it just can't be."

"Sara? Tell me what's happening," he said forcefully, his hands on her shoulders. Her broken and distant tone was making him nervous.

"My mother… she was in a car accident. She's dead, Gil. It's over."

Grissom pulled Sara up and into his arms, holding her to him. He kissed her temple as her tears began. Her body shook as she sobbed against him but he simply held her protectively in his arms. It was over. Their nightmare, her pain, it was over. Her mother would never bother them again.

Lillian Katherine Grissom was born two weeks to the day of Laura Sidle's death. Surprising her parents, she arrived more than a month early.

Sara and Greg were working the scene of a breaking and entering on the outskirts of town when the first contraction hit. Her kit went clattering to the ground and Sara used one hand to brace herself against the wall.

"Sara? Are you okay?" Greg asked, moving with caution toward her.

"Probably just a false alarm," Sara said through gritted teeth.

Greg watched her jaw clench, "You want me to call Grissom?"

As her contraction subsided, Sara shook her head slowly. She pushed off the wall as Greg knelt down to gather her kit for her.

"No, I'll be all right."

Less than twenty minutes later, Sara's words had come back to haunt her. Greg had herded her into his Denali and he was now driving rapidly down I-19 towards the bright lights of the city. Every few minutes, he would hear Sara bite back a scream and his hands would tighten on the steering wheel. He glanced at her through the rear view mirror, thanking God that she'd willingly climbed into the backseat. If she had been sitting beside him, she probably would've killed him by now.

"Hold on, Sar, we'll be there soon," Greg said in a somewhat panicked voice, "And Griss and Liv are meeting us there."

Sara just nodded roughly.

Forty minutes later, after much screaming and pushing on Sara's end, Lillian arrived in her father's arms.

"She's beautiful," Sara said, unable to stop the tears. The birth of their first child had gone much the same way, a quick, painful delivery for Sara and a miracle for Gil.

Gil kissed her forehead, holding tightly to the little pink bundle that was his new daughter. He was about to say something to Sara but was cut off but the sound of his older daughter's laughter.

Olivia burst into the room, followed shortly by Catherine and Greg who had been sitting with her in the waiting room. She scrambled to climb onto her father's lap and peer down into the big brown eyes of her new baby sister.

"Daddy?"

Olivia looked up at him with questioning eyes and he smiled at her, "Olivia, this is Lillian, your little sister. Lillian-" he said to the newborn "-This is your big sister, Olivia."

"Hi, Lil'an," Olivia said, taking her sister's tiny hand gently in her own.

Gil looked from his two little girls to their beautiful mother, lying exhausted in the hospital bed. He mouthed the words _I love you_ to her and she closed her eyes, smiling.


End file.
